I have been single for over a year and a half. While people say I should be out “dating and seeing what’s out there” (i.e. be a WHORE) that’s really not my style. I already know what’s out there and frankly I am dying to be rescued. I find that kind of behavior only encourages feelings of isolation and loneliness as the relationships are superficial.
I love to be loved and I love to be in love. I am a hopeless romantic and I miss the excitement of being in a relationship. I miss text messages for no reason, staying on the phone although we have nothing to say, sitting in silence for hours all because we enjoy the simple pleasure of being in each other’s company. I miss having someone to look forward to seeing, someone to gossip with, someone to call me on my shit. I miss being able to call someone at 4 in the morning because I can’t sleep and having him call me because he is mad and needs to vent. I miss the vulnerability that comes with making up after a fight and the stress and excitement that comes with finally understanding and accepting who that person is. I miss realizing that I am in love and wiping my tears when I realize that he loves me.
I’ve been dating on and off for a while and the experience has been dreadful. If they are cute they are dumb as rocks and if they are smart they are arrogant know-it-all f*cks! I don’t need to be wined and dined which attracts a lot of men who want a break from “you betta have XXX if you wanna holla at me” (even though these women themselves may lack every single item they demand). All I request is a down to earth hard working man with good conversation, an open heart, and a vicious dick game. Is that too much??
To combat the feelings of loneliness, people offer the worse advice ever: focus on my job. I’m sorry, but since when does a job replace human affection? In fact if you ever see me letting a job take over my life and replace developing positive relationships, please pull me to the side and ask me to reflect and reevaluate. ’m not one of those people who chases big paychecks and dreams of climbing the corporate life for the sake of it. We already know that while a job can save your life by moving you out of poverty and allowing you to better take care of yourself, after a certain amount it really has no impact on your level of happiness or satisfaction with life. Thus, I refuse to chase things that don’t have clear demonstrable merit.
So where does that leave me? No, I’m not chasing a man relentlessly to the point where I lose perspective and balance in my life. But I need to be real…I love being in love! I dont dream of big houses and cars and money–I dream of a loving husband, potlucks with friends, and amazing sex. Lots of the latter…hehehehe